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Author Topic: The Joke Thread  (Read 11516 times)

Offline harv

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The Joke Thread
« on: March 03, 2012, 02:19:30 AM »
What do you call a Nun in a wheelchair..?

Virgin Mobile

 ;D ;D ;D
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Offline harv

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2012, 05:46:42 PM »
What's the difference between a giraffe and a JCB..?

One's got high draulics, the other's got high bollocks! ;D 8)

Any more for any more..? :P
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Offline jman

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2012, 07:56:57 PM »
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Offline harv

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2012, 08:09:31 PM »
A man goes to the zoo and when he goes in there's only a dog.
It was a shih-tzu.

;D
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Offline bealec

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2012, 08:30:11 PM »
A little kid goes up to his dad and says

"Dad you remember when I killed a butterfly and you said I couldn't have butter for a week"

"Yes son" replies his dad

"And you remember when I killed a honey bee and you said no honey"

"Yes" says his dad again.

"Well mum just killed a cockroach. Do you want to break it to her or should I?"

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Offline Momo

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2012, 08:33:44 PM »
Have you heard about the woman with three fannies?
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Offline jman

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2012, 09:01:41 PM »
Why did Paddy wear two condoms ?

To be sure, to be sure  :P
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Offline harv

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2012, 09:20:49 PM »
How do you get 500 cows in a barn..?

Put a sign up saying 'Bingo' 8) ;D
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"This you have to understand. There's only one way to hurt a man who's lost everything. Give him back something broken."

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Offline Dragontao

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2012, 12:30:26 AM »
I've not had much luck trying to find a new career.

Got a job as a cook, got fired on my first day. I got my hand stuck in the dishwasher ...

... she wasn't very happy about it.

So I tried my luck at another restaurant, didn't go well there either. How was I to know the manager didn't mean play with his disabled 18 year old daughter when he said "turn the veg on"?

So I applied to B and Q, didn't last long there either. Bloke came up to me on my first day and said he needed decking. I thought he was just a bit strange but the manager had specifically said "give the customer what they want".

Then I saw a job that seemed pretty safe, they wanted script writers for a revival of the Basil Brush show. Interview went well and I got the job. What could go wrong? I was working with puppets. No customers to upset, no other staff to complain and no manager's to give me ambiguous instructions. Producer told to remember that every joke had to end with boom boom. Apparently "two suicide bombers went into a bar ... " wasn't deemed politically correct enough for the BBC.

I give up.
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Offline styles

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2012, 11:02:27 PM »
My sexy neighbour confronted me this evening about items being missing from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants
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Offline harv

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #10 on: December 15, 2014, 06:00:23 PM »
Just thought I'd resurrect this thread with this joke I saw today, made me laugh ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Paddy goes into IKEA and says to the assistant
"I want some of that suppository furniture".

The assistant says
"I've never heard of suppository furniture".

Paddy says
"It's the stuff you put up yourself".
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"This you have to understand. There's only one way to hurt a man who's lost everything. Give him back something broken."

Thomas Covenant, Unbeliever
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