I got the following from another site but it did make me laugh........................................
About a month ago, top Arsenal suit, Ivan Gazidis, was banging on about how he'd won the lottery and he was going to sign Wayne Rooney and Gonzalo Higuaín and Marouane Fellaini and Katie Hopkins and Andy Murray and, and, and, and he was going to get Gunnersaurus a shiny new suit and he was going to build a time machine and go back 10 years to fetch Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira, Robert Pires and Dennis Bergkamp and then he was going to go back another 65 million years to get Gunnersaurus a Gunnersaurusette. He had dreams, did Ivan the Ambitious. Gone were the days of settling for the likes of Gervinho and Olivier Giroud, Arsenal were going to reach for the stars, and chuck a lassoo round the moon and drag it down to the Emirates for good measure.
Fast forward a few weeks and it seems that things aren't quite going to plan. For a start, Emirates staff have been worried about the bangs and blasts and strong smell of smoke emerging from the boardroom, where Gazidis, armed with instructions, a screwdriver and a bag of nails, has been trying to work out how to put together the time machine he purchased for £300 off a keen buyer on eBay. But no matter how many times he's turned the blasted thing off and then on again and then off and then on again and then threatened it with reprisals unless it starts working this instant and then begged it to start and then turned it off and then on again and then finally settled on attacking it with a large stick in the style of Basil Fawlty – he would have used a trophy if one had been handy but this is the Arsenal boardroom – he's had no joy.
What a letdown. No 2003-era Henry and no Gunnersauruesette for Gunnersaurus, who just wants to be loved. He's so very lonely. And while all of this has been going on, Gazidis, his eye very much off the ball, hasn't been able to excel at the job at which he excels: negotiating in the transfer market. As far as the Fiver can tell, Arsenal were meant to have been unveiling Higuaín by now given that they've already agreed terms with the striker, but there's been no unveiling and now it seems there's a danger that it won't happen at all. Tactically speaking, Arsenal's tactical response has been to lodge a £30m bid for loveable, misunderstood Luis Suárez, an offer which Liverpool, calling upon the famous Scouse sense of humour, have laughed out of town. Oh Ivan! Oh Arsenal! You'd better get a move on, there's only so much more of this Arsène Wenger will allow before he starts to wonder whether signing Carlton Cole on a free would represent better value.
